Eli, you're two!

Dear Eli,

I remember the night before you were born & the day you were born like it was yesterday. I thought I was feeling contractions, so I just laid in bed watching TV while Daddy slept. They kept coming closer, so I had him time my contractions. They were coming more & more close, so Daddy asked me if we should call the doctor. I said wait, just in case they stop. Well, they kept comin'! We called my parents so they could drive up 2 hours from Milwaukee to be with Daddy and I. We called Uncle Nick & Nicole to see if they would be able to come over and watch the girls if I my parents didn't make it in time. Nick of course said yes, after being confused for a little bit! Earlier that night, we were at Auntie Nicole & Uncle Nick's house. Nick asked how I was feeling, and I said, "I'm ready!" I guess I REALLY was ready! It was so nice that we went to their house that night, we made home made pizzas with the girls, they made theirs all on their own. It was such a fun time with them before heading off to the hospital.

 Luckily, earlier in the day, I asked Daddy to go out & get stuff to make a belly cast on his way home from work. He said, "Do I really have to do it today?!" and I snapped back, "Uhh YES!!!". Well, I am sure glad I demanded it! We made my one and only belly cast with you. We frantically put a painting tarp down in the kitchen & cut strips to put on my belly. I think Daddy was a little bit nervous, he asked if I thought it was a good idea to do the belly cast right then, and I again snapped & said "YES, NOW!" =) I was determined! As he put strips on my belly & boobs, my stomach would keep rising with each contraction, because my belly would get so firm & hard. Then, it would relax, and the belly cast would go down again. It was such a cool way to see how contractions really affected my body with you in it! I would walk around for a little bit, and then sit down for a little bit. When I had a contraction, I had to stand up. The belly cast came out pretty amazing! It has such a great story behind it, I will treasure it forever!

I remember the moment you were born little E. You literally smiled right after you were born, you were and still are such a happy little boy. 

I have to finish this later, the memories of you are so wonderful. You've brightened my life, my precious baby boy. You will always be my BABY! We love you so incredibly much Eli, you will never know how much we love you, you giggly, happy, smart little babe!

Love you to the moon and back baby boy!!!

Love you forever & ever,

                                          Mama

Kaelei's FIRST day of kindergarten!

WOW. 

My baby... my sweet lil Kaelei Mae. 

She's a KINDERGARTNER!!!

 We had her orientation last night and met her teacher. Her teacher is actually one of her friend's Mom. Her friend Caleb from her 4k class, it's his Mom! She's so nice and I think she'll be a great fit for Kaelei. We took all of her school supplies and organized them like the teacher said to. She ate her Lucky Charms cereal that her teacher gave her in a little bag, it said, "I am so LUCKY to have you in my class!" So cute! Kaelei was really excited for school.

Today Kaelei had her eye therapy appointment. She did amazing, like always! She's such a great listener. We are working on different things that involve uncrossing her eyes and strengthening them. Then she came home, we ate dinner, read books, and then put the kids in bed. Kaelei kept coming out of her room, first she said she was a little nervous about going to school. 

Then she had a couple other excuses for getting up, and then when I was walking her back to her room she hugged my leg tight. I bent down and gave her a huge squeezy hug. I told her how she's getting to be such a big girl. She said she's sad she's going to school and she wants to stay home. I started crying... my baby! She's going to be gone the entire school day! My little helper, my extra set of eyes! She's truly a Mama's helper, and my lil baby is now in kindergarten, I just can't believe it.... just can't believe it...


So, up until this point I think Kaelei and I were both okay with school starting, and now it's the night before and we both are kind of freaking out, although mine started when she said she wanted to stay home. Melts my heart knowing that she wants to be home with me and her lil sis and bro. 


I MUST accept the fact that my baby is growing up, even though I don't want to. She'll always be my BABY.


I remember saying, "Ohh when she starts kindergarten.... blah blah blah" and now that day has come.


Kaelei, my shining star, my amazing babe. My beauty, my smarty, my everything. You mean the world to me! I love you to the moon and back, and to infinity and beyond! 


Love, 
Mama

Hello Therapy! ...I mean blog.

I cried myself to sleep last night. I woke up with a headache. Woke up sore. Soon after started doing research for what to do with Kaelei's ambliopia and strabismus, and then started crying. I can't read out of my left eye. I can see movement, although not accurately. If anything happened to my right eye, say a cataract when I'm older, or who knows, an accident injuring it, I'd be screwed. I'd lose my freedom, I'd have to have someone drive me everywhere, read things to me, show me exactly where things are, and that's so scary for me.... then..... thinking that this could happen to my daughter, that's terrifying. I don't want to do surgery if it's not the right thing. Vision therapy is so controversial, and the time is limited for surgery, so we've read. You can read one thing on one site, and go to a different site and read almost the complete opposite. Same with doctors, we've gotten so many varying opinions- it's so frustrating. Kaelei gives me a hug when I cry and Sophie asks me what's wrong. I can't hide my fear and worry from the kids, and I don't want Kaelei to be scared or worried herself about this. I'm trying to be strong, but I am so stressed. I have to finish my English class, then my SCUBA class, and all while dealing with Eli's surgery, Kaelei's surgery, and my own ongoing pain. I can't imagine what our medical bills add up to without insurance. I've been getting the cortisone injections and last time had 3 in my head. I have an appointment scheduled at John Hopkins for my arm/neck/back pain in September, it took MONTHS to schedule. This medical stuff is so overwhelming. Then, finding people to watch the kids during this time, or even just so Nathan and I have time to clean the house! Talk about stressful. I've been forgetting to eat again, when I'm stressed like this I don't even think about feeding myself.... just the kids. Make sure the kids are good, and I am last in line as far as that goes. That's what being a parent is all about, putting your children first.

My thoughts and feelings are so jumbled right now, just like this blog. I'm confused, sad, terrified, worried, shocked, angry, so many emotions all at once. I am thankful it's not anything worse than what it is, but to me it's a big deal, the biggest situation medically that we have had to deal with thus far, and it's scary.

and my mind keeps going... and going... and going...

AH I can't fall asleep lately, I'm not sure what it is. Maybe since Kaelei isn't in summer school our schedules are all messed up, I don't know. I've been getting headaches too, bad ones. I think my TMJ is acting up too, fun. I can't wait until I get my cortisone injection on Monday... I'll start to feel better around my neck, yes! I am nervous that the injection is in my head though, that is scary. Last time he did one in my spine, directly in it. Thank goodness I didn't know that at the time! Thank goodness he is an AMAZING doctor and I didn't feel a THING! I am so glad I found him. Me being able to overcome my phobia of needles is unbelievable! I never thought I'd be able to get a needle near me again, let alone an injection, let alone in my spine, and then now- I am looking forward to my injections! This doctor has worked wonders for me in more ways than just one, and he has worked on me mentally- obviously in the phobia situation- as well as physically of course. Acupuncture has been a key to me feeling better. I am so glad I have great insurance that covers it. I am very lucky in that sense.

Oh, memories!

I can't believe Kaelei is going to be 5 in a couple weeks. FIVE. Where did that time go?! I remember the night I went into labor with her, doing a little belly dance, writing out thank you notes for my baby shower, and then night, when I felt a little off. Then I vividly remember pushing her, and thinking to myself, "I am going to get this baby OUT!" and then instantly she came out, beautifully crying- telling us in her own way that she had healthy lungs and was breathing. Cuddling her, feeding her, Nathan changing her first diapers... the family time the three of us had. Her first trip to the store, to the pumpkin patch. Her first walk around the block. Her first e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. OUR first everything with our brand new baby girl! We were awestruck with her, and we learned so much from her. It's not always about your children learning FROM you, WE as parents learn so much FROM our children.

She's FIVE. I think about all of her firsts. All of her accomplishments, from learning her ABC's to spelling her name and counting to 60+. I'm amazed at my baby. She'll always be my baby, my little girl, my sweet, sensitive, caring, passionate, intuitive, beautiful, loving, intelligent, honorable baby Kaelei!

I have been a little stressed planning her birthday party. We let her pick out her theme- she picked Ariel. She's having it at a gymnastics place by us, and I've put a lot into it, between running all over Green Bay to get supplies, searching the internet, doing the invitations which remind me of a wedding with all of the work, ha! I just want her to have a great time, and I know she will. She has such great friends and family surrounding her and loving her always!

Tonight we went to get Kaelei her glasses. She didn't REALLY neeeeeeed them, but we want to try everything before surgery, so we figure- can't hurt, why not! She's a +2, and her vision is actually very good. Darn ambliopia! She looks ADORABLE in her glasses, my goodness, she looks so sophisticated and beautiful. I love it!

Cuddling... I love to hold my babies while they are sleeping and just watch them. They are so peaceful, and when I catch them smiling- that is the best! I love it, knowing they are having good dreams, safe in my arms. They are so warm and soft, my sweet babes! I cannot say enough of how much I love them... words cannot express it!

After K's eye appointment,  we let her pick out two toys. She picked out the Tangled horse- Maximus, and Belle and her pink horse, who is nameless... =P She loves them, I played with her earlier and she adores the horses, yay! OH and Daddy saw a huge blow up water slide, so he had to get it for the kids. K saw it while her little sis and bro were sleeping, so she got a special sneak peak. I think they all will LOVE it! I KNOW it! I can't wait until it's tomorrow and they can see it.

I should go to sleep now, I am starting to get sleeeeeeeepppppppyyyyyy! =P

BUT I WANT A TAMPONNNNN!!!!

Ah yes. A great memory just came to mind. Eli found a tampon somewhere, and I catch him trying to open it. I take it away and he fusses.

This reminds me of Sophie.

One day about 6 months or more ago, she found a tampon. She tried to open it, and I take it away. She starts to cry. I said, "Sophie, you do NOT want that, that is a tampon!" and she proceeds  to yell in anger and frustration, "BUT I WANT A TAMPONNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and continues to cry and cry.

Thank you, Kotex, Tampax, tampon makers of the world, for making tampons look like candy, and making my kids want those cute little fun packages to open and spread around the house!

Who put the log in the tub?

If you have a weak stomach, or do not want to read something gross,

you might not want to read below this line.

________________________*________________________

So, I am doing things around the house. I come upstairs and go into the bathroom to put some things away. I notice that all three children are in the shower, instead of the bath tub like they were before. I don't even have to say a word, and Nathan says immediately:

Nathan: "Your son left you a present."

Me: (in a low 'holy shit what now?! sort of voice...) "what....?"

Nathan: "Look in the bath tub."

Me: "Where?"

Nathan: "Oh it's in there!"

----I look for something floating, realizing now that there is a turd nugget in the bath tub.----

Me: OHHHH. MYYYYYY. GOD!!!!!!!!! Who did that?!

Nathan: "Eli did it! I asked the girls but they said no, they said Eli did it! He crouched down a little bit in the tub before but I didn't realize that's what he was doing!"

Me: "That can't be Eli's. It's freaking HUGE! Are you sure?"

It was seriously 4 inches long I swear! There were multiple smaller logs too! It had some yellow pieces in it, corn maybe?! I'm not sure. I really don't even care, I was just shocked by the sheer magnitude of it!

Nathan: "That's what the girls said..."

Me: Holy Shnikes!" (note: I can't swear in front of the kids)

Nathan: "Yeah..."

Me: "I still can't believe HE did that..."

Nathan finishes washing Eli and hands him to me so he can finish washing the girls. I go to put his diaper on an realize that there was a little poop remnant in his butt. It was a yellow poop remnant. Yes, it was definitely him. His poop matches the logs in the tub. Mystery of the tub pooper has been solved! That was the excitement for the night. All kids were cleaned and cuddled, and ready for bed, smelling of freshly bathed hair, which I love.

Tomorrow is a new fun, exciting, and exhausting day!

Summer School

I didn't even wake up this early when I was in school! Now I have three little ones to get ready and go. This is how the morning goes:

-I wake up, look at phone. Think to myself, damn I'm tired. Close eyes. Tell myself not to fall asleep. Fall asleep for a few seconds, wake up, sit up. Crack my neck and back and think to myself how sore I am, and hope the pain goes away and I don't get a migraine. Shower.

-Go in Kaelei's room, try to wake her up. Try again. Try again. She moves a little. Try again. Tell her we can't be late or her teachers and I will be upset. Tell her again. Tell her we're running late. She's disgruntled, but gets up and out of bed. Sometimes she says she tired.

-I show her the clothes she's wearing. Usually she says she doesn't like them, but usually later she changes her mind. o.O
-Sophie usually wakes up by this time because of the noise. She's usually happy in the morning. =) Yay, a happy child! She doesn't take after me, I'm a crabby morning person...

-Wake Eli up, try to feed him while brushing the girls hair & teeth.

-Eat, tell the kids we have to hurry.

-Put shoes on. This is an ordeal. One of the girls usually wants the shoes that the other one has on. Kaelei wants the shoes Sophie has on. Sophie doesn't want to give up her shoes. I tell them we have to hurry again. I start to walk into the garage, which is my signal that we're leaving, so hurry up and pick out your shoes! This usually works.

-Get in the car. Sometimes the girls fight about which car seat they want. I settle it somehow.

-LEAVE FOR SCHOOL. This is like heaven time for me, it's almost like ME time. I can listen to my music and there is usually no fighting because they have their movie to watch in the car. I like to get to school early, so I get a front parking spot.

-We walk Kaelei into her classroom. She gives us each hugs and kisses and gets her name tag on and then vanishes off into the room to play. I am so happy she loves summer school... it's her big girl time and she loves her friends and the fun activities that they do.

While Kaelei is at school, Sophie, Eli, and I play. I'll weed the yard, or do other random house work outside or inside. I really should read more. I wish... I wish I had the ability to tune out noise so I could actually comprehend what I read, but with the kids here, my ears are like mouse ears... I hear everything.

SOOO... here I sit typing this out. Today I weeded the front and back, and ate the sugar (aka sand) that Sophie made for me. I need to write more about the kids... I was so good at that before but now it's hard to find quality time for it.

I need coffee.

I LOVE my Tassimo. Mmm....

Dogs are barking like crazy. Eli is in the hallway pointing to the door and saying "box! box!" Little cutie. We have our hands full with him! He's always climbing and trying to get into stuff!

Must get coffee!

Figure out what is wrong with me PLEASE doctors, I beg you!

I am so sick of waking up and feeling sore, achy, tired, stiff, waking up with a migraine or headache, and just overall a feeling of not being rested. So far, I have been tested for:

Rheumatoid Arthritis

Lupus

Lyme Disease

Multiple random blood tests besides these that I can't even name...

So far, they have diagnosed me with Migraines, Scoliosis, arthritis in my spine, disc protrusions in c6 & c7, myofacial issues, and a few other things that I forgot, they have to do with my spine though.

Eli's Surgery

We have to see the surgeon again, this will be the 2nd time. He recommended surgery last time, however we decided to wait. This time, we have to do it. The risk of his intestines popping through is too great, and if that happens, it's a matter of about 2 hours before it's a life or death situation. That's just way too scary. The hole of his umbilical hernia is about 8mm. The small ones are the worst, contrary to popular belief. The small ones are the hardest to fix once the tissue (aka intestines/sac) comes through, IF it ever was to come through.

The good thing about waiting is that he's older, his immune system is more developed, and his weight is up. This means a little less guessing on pain medications and anesthesia. We had his surgery scheduled last year for early April, so he wasn't even 5 months old yet. The bad news is that Eli is now walking, and keeping my little man still will be impossible. I'm hoping the pain medication will ease his pain, I can't imagine, our stomach muscles are used ALL the time, and his will be so very sore. My poor little man... the last thing I want is to see my baby be wheeled away from me to go to the operating table. I am going to be a basket of tears...

My what has changed...

Since I last wrong, much has changed! I got pregnant with Eli, and he was born December 17th, 2009. He was due January 1st, 2010. He had his first birthday, and it was so bittersweet. My baby boy has grown up into a walking little man! He first took his noticeable walking steps, about 12 of them, on New Years Day, 2011. We were so excited, and he was so proud of himself, saying "YAYYY!" and putting his hands up in the air. We have video of him doing it, it's so fricken adorable!

Now my baby is 13 months old, he had his checkup on Monday. He's 19lbs 1oz and 28.5 inches tall. He's in the 3rd percentile for weight, and height I can't remember. For his head size though, he's 85 percentile. He has a huge head like his big sisters! Lots of brains! =) He's on track for everything, it was a great check-up, BUT.... we have to see the surgeon, again. Last time we saw him was in March 2009. He recommended surgery back then, but we decided to wait just in case he grew into it or it closed. Not it has stalled at about 8mm of a hole in the muscle wall. The risk of his intestines coming through is too great right now, as opposed to the surgery, so we will have to go through with it. Of course the last thing I want is for my baby to be in surgery. My poor little man, I can't imagine. He's SUCH a Mama's boy, he seriously follows me around the house EVERYWHEREEEEE I go! I can't imagine him waking up in the recovery room without his Mama at his side. I am going to be a big ball of tears.... I just want my baby safe and sound in my arms, healthy and happy.... healthy & happy...

Speaking of my little man, he slept in late today, and he just woke up. I will continue to write later, I have a BOOK to write!

So This Is It!

I decided to start a new blog. I was blogging on myspace, but it's set to private. I don't let just anyone see pictures of my little tiddlywinks! Anyway, there has been some wedding planning drama so I decided to boycott all wedding plans for now. Forget it, I'm going to focus on other things for once. Moving has been one of them lately. Sophie says "Dada" but she doesn't know what it means yet. Kaelei is a little charmer, and she met a couple more girls in the neighborhood. We met more parents too, they are all so nice. The girl babysits, but I don't trust anyone besides family with my little babes. Anyway, Kaelei just ADORES the girls in the neighborhood! She let them pick her up right away, and they were teaching her dance moves and such... it was so adorable! One girl was like "She likes pink, she likes to dance, AND she wears plaid! She's a mini-me!" it was cute! Kaelei was wearing a plaid skirt. They loved Sophie too, the girls were so great with my lil babes. Bailey likes the new house, he likes to explore and roam around. Well, I should get going now... I have to pack for Milwaukee- my bachlorette party is Friday night, I cannot wait! Something FUN for a change! My girls have done so much for me, and I am so very thankful! =)